I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
