Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
