peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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