We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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