i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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