Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
