you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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