Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
