Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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