I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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