I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
