what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Send help, water and tortillas.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
