i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
