Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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