Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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