this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
