I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
