please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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