Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
