end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize