I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
