Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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