when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
