I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize