My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am mentally ready for anal.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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