Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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