And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
