Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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