I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
