the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
