To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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