Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
