i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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