just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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