it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
