Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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