I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
