Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
