Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
