the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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