His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
