Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
