I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
