Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
