eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
