wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
