are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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