honey bunches of taint.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
