You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
