I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
