I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
