I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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