fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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