U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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