I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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