i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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