Just fell off a train. Bad.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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