Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she smelled like a LAN party
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
