then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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