If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
