Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry about my life...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
