I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
