we made out on top of his cat.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
