I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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