You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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