so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
