Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
