is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
