i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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