ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
