if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
