Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
