I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
3pm strippers are depressing
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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