i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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