we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
