I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
