took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
